And somewhere in there a shift happened. Emma and I went to an Oscar watching party at Bruno Sports Bar on Beaubien. I saw Anna Lev, Nadia, Nasrin, Bita, Kandis, and Sarah Wang among others, and it was so nice to be around friends who expressed genuine concern and offered support. The Oscars are so bizarre and deeply problematic and there was something about that too, witnessing this hyper-real presentation of the fucked up world. Sitting in a warm bar with really awesome bar staff, surrounded by giant televisions broadcasting this surreal capitalist setup of "culture" and remembering that my partner, my friends and my own love for myself are what is going to get my through this time. And I can trust them. And I can trust myself.
I'm a Leo/Taurus, from a tradition of strong determined Tauruses on my mom's side of the family. At my last acupuncture visit, the practitioner took my pulse and told me I have a "special relationship to willpower." That is, I plow through. I try to do it all on my own. I have an awesome partner, Emma, who I feel comfortable being vulnerable with and asking for help, but often its a challenge to extend that vulnerability to my friends. I'm a friendly introvert; I'm warm and comfortable with people but I also guard my alone time. I had to ask for help because I couldn't buy groceries and I couldn't do laundry, and I couldn't walk my dog, and I didn't want that to all fall on my partner's shoulders. Having friends offer to help and be genuinely happy to do so, it really healed me and changed my relationship to my body, my patience with myself, and how I think about friendship. Things I probably should know by now, but I guess I only knew it in theory, and now I know it in practise.
And so, as things shifted, I also started to be able to be more loving towards myself, and I decided to make an Affirmations Colouring Book. For people to colour and feel better, feel comforted. And I decided to combine that idea with pet portraits, and draw my friends pets and affirming, loving statements we can tell ourselves for comfort, motivation, love, inspiration, and relief. Here are some of the pages that will be in the book.
You can pre-order copies of the book from my Etsy Store.